"Forgive yourself before you die. Then forgive others."
That was the line that struck a chord, hit a nerve, tugged at my heart, or whatever you may want to call it. It hit home in a very big way. It came from this book:
I was sitting in my reading chair in my classroom while my students were silently reading and I came across this line in my book. There have been many times when I've been reading during this time and I'd come across something that reaches right to the heart of ME or the "ME" that I desire to become. I'd want to jump, scream, shout, or (more often) cry but that really would not be appropriate while I'm sitting in front of a room full of 8th graders. I know this could be what we educators call a "teachable moment" but don't quite think they'd understand. I digress.
This quote happens on page 164 and as much as I want to keep reading I stop and close my eyes for just a second, again I'm in a room of....well you get my point. I recall all the moments that keep me up at night; all the time I've spent worrying about other people opinions of me because I've said no to a request; all the times I've been called selfish because I didn't do what someone wanted me to do. This quote just resonates deep within me rearranging my thought process, my definition of who I WAS, and my goal of who I want to be.
FORGIVE YOURSELF. I hear it all day over and over in my mind, just loud enough not to distract me but persistent enough to keep it at the forefront of my mind ALL DAY.
FORGIVE YOURSELF. For all the inadequecies that you think you have. For all the goals that you have yet to reach. For all the paths you were too afraid to take.
FORGIVE YOURSELF. For all the years you tried, in vain, to live up to everyone else's expectations of you while losing your own definition of self.
FORGIVE YOURSELF. For all the years spent finding yourself again and pissing so many people off because you stopping being their "YES MA'AM"
FORGIVE YOURSELF. For all the things you can not control nor change.
Right now I'm working on forgiving myself for all those things and more. I don't know how long it will take and I don't know where I will be when it finally happens nor how I will feel about myself or you then. And after that I can start to forgive them/YOU. (Colossians 3:13)
Edited to Add:
Saw this on Facebook today and it so matches my feelings above. Sometimes things just happen to coincide. Or you can say GOD confirms things in many ways, even via Youtube. lol.
Angeeeee right on target and on the money was just talking to a friend of mine about this very thing and will be sharing this post with her!! Thank you for sharing...and btw....LOVE the blog design!! :)
ReplyDeleteLovely post, Angie. I struggle with this constantly. What a wonderful reminder that not only do we need to work to silence the voices of inadequacy in ourselves, but that we also need to do that before we are fully able to do it for others. I loved reading this book, as it is full of tidbits of wisdom just like this one.
ReplyDeleteI used to teach 8th grade as well. It was a joyful, if difficult, job to have, and I loved knowing that I was contributing to young lives in such an important way. I hope you are enjoying it! :)
Thanks Tiff. Funny you say you love the blog design. I was just thinking about changing it. Might keep it for a few more weeks now. :-D
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Cath. I feel so honored to have you visit me. Teaching 8th grade is great and I'm still struggling with this but I know I will get there. It's all about the journey right?? ;-)
ReplyDeleteAh...middle school memories! I used to love being there with them--such a truly in-between age in need of validation and permission to still be kids. I can't image what it is like for them in this time...been 16 years since I was in the classroom. Thanks for a lovely post...and you might want to catch Have a Little Faith by the same author!
ReplyDeleteOh Deb it is so bittersweet this time of year because I've gotten so attached to my kiddos and I know they are leaving me in less than 90 days. I so wasn't prepared for the attachment I have with them when I started teaching 2 years ago. It's been a blast and I love my job every day.
ReplyDeleteHi Angee,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thought provoking post. I'm not too technologically savvy, but I'm going to try to share this post with my FB friends. It is so relevant to so many of us.
I am far removed from the 8th grade except for my son, and I remember what great caring teachers he has had, and I thank you also for being that for the many youth you have touched so far. Your efforts are never in vain for them. My sister is stopped daily by adults she taught in elementary school who now have kids of their own in school- and they still remember her! What great teachers give to our children is truly invaluable!
And BTW, for what it is worth ; ) I also love your blog header. It is bright, happy and makes me smile!
Thank you Rae. Teaching is the best job I've ever had. It's so fulfilling and challenging at the same time. And thank you about the blog header. I consider changing it all the time....
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